FRIDAY 15th In the dark, the sea roars. Hannah is screaming like a cut pig, and Jess is hurling the sodden sandwiches into the night. James and Sarah are looking at the carnage. James hoists the sun umbrella’s rusted enamel point into Sarah’s chest. She’s not surprised. Before the blood engulfs the white of her swimsuit, she manages, “Try again tomorrow.” Hannah picks up a rock and brains Jess, who vomits onto the basket containing Rufus IV’s stinking corpse, and the angry waves wash it all away, ready for a clean start tomorrow.
THURSDAY 14th The Prime Minister announces an investigation into the effects eternity has on National Rail. Those who didn’t vote for eternity in Britain, the “deathers”, tepidly protest outside Parliament demanding a right to death, which a lone “lifer” gunman grants them at about a quarter to eleven. James goes to the pet shop so as not to arouse suspicion, and leaves the beast locked in the car while he goes inside. Sarah has the music on, and the pancakes. Shortly after eleven, Sarah announces that they should have the perfect day at the beach, and everyone cheers. James chips in that it should be at Clearbeach, where they met, and Sarah says, oh, it’s a five-hour drive, and James says, oh really? They kiss and they get a picnic of boiled eggs, ham sandwiches, cake and lemonade ready. They get on their swimsuits, and James gets the sun umbrella and a brick out of the garage. This time, Sarah says, we’ll get it right. Jess bursts into tears, because the very fact Sarah just said that in the middle of it means they have to start again, and she hates pancakes now. They go back to bed tearful. When they get up again, it’s boiling, and they drive to the beach, hopeful and gay. Hannah finds the suffocated animal under her seat as they unclick their belts in Clearbeach. So, says Sarah, we’re doing this until we get it fucking perfect, alright? James ices his ankles before they set off again.
WEDNESDAY 13th Seventy-two people commit suicide, only to find themselves alive minutes later, causing a few to incinerate themselves at petrol stations and garden sheds. There are reports of disembodied voices coming from the remaining smoulder. Intellectuals are interviewed on the news, but it has a dulling effect on the population, leading to record viewing figures for GBBO. Scientists warn of obesity, but the man on the street quips that he has forever to start that diet. Jess and Sarah go to the pet shop early doors. The woman is startled to see them. Jess is thunderous when they return, and refuses to change into her swimsuit, but James gives her a hard smack on the back of the hand when she plays up, which means they must all go back to bed and set their alarms for an hour’s time and all calm down. Sarah puts Rufus III in the wardrobe for the time being, and when they wake up, he’s peed on her scarf drawer, so they wash him in the sink and use the hairdryer and wash all the scarves on REFRESH before Sarah agrees they can go back to bed. Hannah, being thirteen, and too tall for her age, is concerned that they won’t be able to keep doing this without major embarrassment, as Sarah forces her to call Damon and ask if he can ask where they’re off again. When they finally get up, James makes pancakes, but then Sarah realises they never put the music on, and then starts sobbing. Phil, Damon’s dad, knocks on the door with a grim face, says there’s a flattened puppy in his drive he didn’t see when he backed out, and was it theirs.
TUESDAY 12th Last night, Rufus went downhill with the eggs, and by ten, he’s dead on the kitchen floor. Animals didn’t get immortality because, bacon. The girls are upset, not so much because of the dog, but because he was part of the Perfect Day Out. Sarah grabs her car keys and returns with Rufus II, a sprightlier version of Rufus I. The woman at the pet shop was apologetic. James deals with Rufus I, and Sarah suggests they go back to bed and start again. By twelve, they are on the road, and James notices his foot is a bit sore at the ankle, but is loath to mention it in case they must start again. Sarah is being a bit of a bitch about this, and made him wear the same socks as yesterday. As they are leaving, Damon from next door, fifteen and hot, says hi to Hannah and she goes red, and he says where you off, she says, beach, he says, have a good one, goes inside. Sarah elbows her, Eh? Eh? After they sing Ten Green Bottles about fifty million times in the car, James has an earworm of Elton John, I think it’s gonna be a long, long time… At the beach, it goes perfect until the umbrella hits Sarah in the face while she’s reading her new book, and she makes so much of a thing of it they have to pack up and leave. When they get back, they realise they left Rufus II at the beach, and that the tide was coming in. Jess, who’s only eight, cries all evening, and James soaks his feet. Sarah misses her programme with all the fuss, but they all promise her they’ll do it again tomorrow, and spend half the night writing down exactly what they did in what order. At least, all the nice family bits.
MONDAY 11th It gets announced around eight o’clock in the morning that everyone has been made immortal. Talked about for months, finally, after a vote with a turnout of 38%, fifty-one percent of the British population went against intellectuals and Europeans who said it might cause unknown strain on the psyche of an already miserable nation, and voted YES. Londoners take to the fountains of Trafalgar Square and go crazy. The girls are up, Sarah has the music on, and everyone is enjoying pancakes. Sarah announces that they should have the perfect family day at the beach, and everyone cheers. James chips in that it should be at Clearbeach, where they met, and Sarah says, oh, it’s a four-hour drive, and James says, oh, so what? They kiss and they get a picnic of boiled eggs, ham sandwiches, cake and lemonade ready. They all get on their swimsuits, and James gets the sun umbrella out of the garage. Jess claps her hands, and then James brings in a little basket. The girls open it, and coo and swoon when they find a puppy inside, they call him Rufus. Sarah gets an old tennis ball out of the cupboard and they get in the car, Jess cuddling Rufus. They sing Ten Green Bottles all the way. When they get there, it starts pissing with rain. They sit in the car cheery enough, and eat the picnic. Rufus likes the eggs. Sarah says that she’s just had a thought, that they can do this again tomorrow, as they literally have all the time in the world to have the perfect family day out! Everyone is genuinely delighted. The girls chant, “Tomorrow, tomorrow!” and James drives back, leading them in song to Elton John classics from the tape. When they get back, Sarah makes them all go to bed early, and tells them to pretend they never went today. It will be like a play. They all agree on a Perfect Family Day Out tomorrow.
Eliot Bryter
